This is a Gym, Not a Brothel!

I am a fairly devoted gym-going girl.  As such, I have made many observations over the years while staying in shape at the gym.  Here are some of those observations and thoughts, compiled neatly for your reading pleasure.  And please feel free to add your own gym thoughts.

1. I have this deep-rooted hatred for people who talk on their cell phones while on any cardio machine.  First of all, they annoy me because inevitably they are shouting over the noises of the rest of the gym.  But also, if you are doing cardio and still have the energy to talk on a phone, you are not working very hard at all.  (This goes for you too, Mr. Blackberry user!)
2. Some people do not wipe their sweat off the machine when they are done.  I’m not sure why this is.  Maybe they think they didn’t sweat?  Maybe they are just rude?  Maybe they think other people will enjoy their sweat?
3. Dear heavy perfume wearer: Your designer impostors perfume is making me vomit while I’m trying to get through my cardio.  You are at the gym, not a cheap 80s-themed party.
4. I like when people recognize someone they know at the gym and go over to chat while that person is on the treadmill.  They stand behind them so the person running has to twist around to talk.  Um, why don’t you just go in front of the treadmill so that person can continue their workout instead of listening to you talk about your smelly perfume.  (Or, maybe you should call them from your annoying cell phone.)
5. My favorite thing at the gym is watching the men “inconspicuously” check themselves out in the mirrors.  And by “inconspicuously” I actually mean “overtly obvious.”  I don’t know if these guys think they are invisible or if they think the mirrors at the gym offer some kind of special shield that other people can’t see.  But, oh yes, I’m watching you flex your muscles and make a kissy face at yourself.  (P.S. I can also see you when you pick your nose and adjust your, um, you know….)
6. I am afraid of the weight room in my gym.  I’m not going to deny it.  I mean, maybe it’s because I feel like everyone stares at me as I lift weights.  Hmmm, I guess it’s not really true since all guys are staring at themselves in the magic mirrors.  (See #5 above.)
7. Sometimes I get really nervous when I walk into the gym and a bunch of trainers are standing around.  I feel like they are going to jump on me and make me give them ten.  Which I can’t do.
8. Ever notice those clowns who can’t just go forward on the treadmill.  Instead, they switch it up by running sideways and backwards.  When they run sideways they do this weird hopping thing.  I hate these people.  Mostly because if I tried to run sideways I would totally wipe out.
9. Going along with #8, I get this sick pleasure when people’s stuff falls off the treadmill.  They can never just drop one thing – it’s always all or nothing.  First, their Ipod falls, then their towel, then their shoe is untied.  It’s a mess!
10. Look, I’m not a modest person.  But I have a real problem with people being completely naked in the locker room.  Of course you need to change.  But you do not need to take all of your clothes off and walk around, chat with people, sit on the benches, eat a pre-workout snack, etc.  This is a gym, not a brothel!