Top 5 Reasons I Could Never Be a Superhero

I honestly have no idea why I was pondering this superhero issue.  Maybe it was re-watching Spider Man 2 recently.  Or last week, when I caught an old and favorite episode of Buffy.  Or the fact that I’m reading the final book in the Twilight series.  Who knows the origins, but here are the final results of why I could never be a superhero.  Enjoy!

5. My purse

You never see superheroes carrying purses around.  I have to bring my purse everywhere and let me tell you, it’s big and heavy and takes me fifteen minutes to find my keys.  It would weigh me down and hinder my saving abilities.  Although, maybe I could use it as a weapon.  And it could be magical!  Purse Girl, the ultimate superhero….

4. I do not look good in head-to-toe spandex

I also do not look good in long capes, underwear on the outside of my clothes or a mask that only covers your eyes. 

3. I’m not into trauma, drama or alienation

You ever notice how to be a superhero you have to have a bad childhood, some kind of tragic loss or emotional drama wherein you have to push away the person or persons you love?  Yeah, no thanks.  I’m trying to run drama-free and my childhood was way too normal.

2. Secret desire to be the damsel in distress

This goes against some of the dormant feminist feelings that live deep in my person but it’s true.  Why be the superhero when I could be saved by a really hot vampire/spider/bat or other mutated animal/mythical figure.  Plus, the damsel always gets to have a fun 50s-inspired hairdo.  I’m all about that.  Although, once I’m saved, the superhero will have to give me up due to above-stated #3 issue so I guess in the end I will have to walk away from him.  And in essence, save myself….

And the number 1 reason why I could never be a superhero is...

1. I’m kind of lazy

No explanation needed.

Could you see yourself as a superhero???