When Is It My Turn?

          I got to work today and opened my email.  There, staring at me, on a Monday morning no less, was a forwarded email.  I just knew what I would find when I opened it.

            I took a deep breath and clicked on it.  Sure enough, typed out and accented with an attached picture was the dreaded engagement email and diamond ring photo.  Yet another friend set to marry.

            This is a good thing.  Something positive to celebrate in a time of uncertainty and economic crappiness (that’s a technical term).  So why did my mood plummet upon reading this email?  Why does this annoying competitive tingle start vibrating all over? 

            Maybe because I’ve been feeling like a bit of an outsider for awhile now.  It just seems like everyone I know has someone.  Everyone except for me.

One of my friends created the term FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out.  I am in major FOMO-mode right now and I just don’t know how to deal.  I wonder if people look at me and think I’m weird; or if they think something is wrong with me.

Because shouldn’t I be with someone? 

            As objectively as I can, I dissect myself.  I think I’m pretty.  I know I’m smart.  I’m fairly certain that I’m funny, creative and a decent cook.  I always stop and pet dogs on the street.  And I always bring reusable bags to the grocery store!

See, I have a lot going for me.  But why then can I not seem to find someone to share it with?  Nothing!  Not even a little nibble on the line. 

            When I try (again objectively) to dissect some of the coupled people in my life, I often wonder how they ended up as couples. 

Really? That guy!

Seriously?  You think she’s normal!

            All joking aside, it’s not that I’m not happy for these people.  But rather, I’m wondering when I get to be happy as well.  It’s taken me a long time to be able to say this and mean it, but I know that I deserve to be happy.  I am a good person! 

            I’ve thought about posting this for a long time.  But honestly, this might be my number one biggest insecurity.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I just in the wrong place?  The wrong city?  The wrong job?  Is there something I need to change about myself?

            But as I’m typing this (and getting a little teary-eyed) I have to say that I think I’m pretty amazing.  And maybe if I haven’t found the right person yet, there is a reason.  Maybe I’m supposed to go through this super-long wait because at the end of it all I will have something really special and really amazing!

            At least, that’s what I need to keep believing.