Kerri's Questions

Vive la Tween

Kerri — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:01:23 GMT

After careful consideration and much inner reflection, I have finally decided to own up to something. Brace yourself….

I love tweens!

Well, not really. In real life, they scare the bejesus out of me. With their attitudes, angsty-ness and sex-ting, I often thank my lucky stars I’m not a tween in this generation.

But I love, love, love imaginary tweens! You know, tweens starring in tween movies. I can’t get enough of the goody-goody images of tweens before they start showing their panties and going to rehab in real life.

I’m a huge fan of Amanda Bynes. What a Girl Wants and Sydney White are probably two of my favorite movies of all time. I don’t tell people this fact. I just watch them over and over in my apartment. Nothing compares to seeing Amanda Bynes triumph while your head is pounding from the two bottles of wine you had the night before.

I allow myself to get drawn into these semi-fairy tale worlds. Find your father in What a Girl Wants, Amanda Bynes! Find him for all of us.

And tell off that evil Queen Bee in Sydney White. Tell her off because I couldn’t find the guts to tell off my own Queen Bee when I was in high school!

Of course, this isn’t really about me. Errr…

Yes, I do know all the words to the first two High School Musical movies. That’s right. I do listen to some of the songs while I’m on the treadmill at the gym. Sure, I may wonder and fret if people can hear through my earphones while Troy, Gabriella and, oh that evil, Sharpay sing. But it doesn’t stop me. After all, that “What Time Is It” song is quite catchy.

I’m not going to say that I know the choreography. But… if someone held a gun to my head, I could probably dance my way through the finale in the first movie.

You know, or whatever….

I’ve seen The Princess Diaries too and you know what? I like that one too! I will tell a stranger that I watch that movie only to see Julie Andrews, Broadway darling and Oscar winning actress. But it’s a lie. I watch it because it’s awesome. And because really, I want to be a princess. (Not an “I’m in line for the throne” kind of princess but like maybe the little sister or first cousin to the princess that is going to inherit the country.)

And if I could go back and change one thing from high school, it would certainly be to have Julie Andrews show up and tell me that I am more than just normal - I am in fact royalty. (And someone would give me a makeover too!)

Maybe that’s why I like the imaginary tweens. Maybe I want to go back to my tween years? (Oh God!)

Is it the idea of reliving a part of my adolescence? Probably not, since most of those movies bear little resemblance to my actual life. I mean, hey, I would have climbed up on the cafeteria tables and sang my heart out to the star of the basketball team in a second. I just don’t think any of the other students would have joined in. And they certainly wouldn’t have known the choreography.

Thinking about my middle and high schools, I could just see myself trying to pull off a box step while hoisting jazz fingers and the jaded kid sitting next to me wondering what the hell I was on. And where he could get some.

No, my time is past. But sometimes, when you have a hang over and all you want to eat is Nacho Cheese Doritos and pound down some extra strength Tylenol, there is nothing like watching a tween act in a tween movie.

Well, while wearing a tiara, of course….

Swap Party

Kerri — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 03:07:58 GMT

I mentioned in one of my questions recently that I was going to be hosting a "swap" party. I actually got the idea here on PNN and I wanted to share some details.

First of all, a swap party is a party where everyone just brings stuff that they are going to get rid of, and everyone can go through everyone else's stuff. (There's probably a more eloquent way of putting that.) We had a great time doing this. We all got a ton of new clothes and accessories, ate yummy food, drank wine and champagne and then watched Twilight. It was a really fun "girls night in." Here's a pic of the damage:

After the party (which went until the wee hours of 2am), we donated all of our remaining items to Goodwill.

I wanted to also share this picture of three of us in action. For those of you who are regulars on the Question of the Day portion of this site, here is a chance for you to see me (in the middle) and 2 of my favorite commenters. "Corn" is on the left and "Mel" is on the right. It's fun to put faces to names - isn't it!

P.S.

I already wore one of my "new" pairs of pants - thanks Corn! And I got a ton of compliments on them.

P.P.S.

Sizes apparently don't matter. We had people of all different heights and weights and somehow (like that Traveling Pants movie) we all seemed to find some good clothes to fit into.

Why I Can't be on The Bachelor

Kerri — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:46:41 GMT

I abhor the ABC show The Bachelor. Yet, there I am, every Monday night, watching it. Sigh. No matter what I think, one thing is for sure: I could never be on it! Here are the top five reasons why.

Top Five Reasons Why I Could Never be on The Bachelor

5. I have no desire to do the following things on television: kiss, get dumped, air emotional baggage, act crazy, cry or wear a bathing suit in the obligatory hot tub.

4. The words “group” and “date” should not go together. (Seriously, it comes up in spell check.) And the idea of sharing my boyfriend with other women while on said groupdate is absurd to me.

3. When the bachelor gets down to about 4 girls they go on “hometown dates” to visit the girls’ friends/family. My hometown in not picturesque and therefore ABC would not have any good camera shots.

2. I don’t own enough cocktail dresses. Yeah, I would only get to like round 2 since each week ends at a cocktail party.

And without further ado, here is the number one reason why I could never be on The Bachelor….

1. Living with, while competing with, other women over the affection of a man is my version of my own personal hell!

Tell me, could you go on The Bachelor?

Top 5 Reasons I Could Never Be a Superhero

Kerri — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:41:21 GMT

I honestly have no idea why I was pondering this superhero issue. Maybe it was re-watching Spider Man 2 recently. Or last week, when I caught an old and favorite episode of Buffy. Or the fact that I’m reading the final book in the Twilight series. Who knows the origins, but here are the final results of why I could never be a superhero. Enjoy!

5. My purse

You never see superheroes carrying purses around. I have to bring my purse everywhere and let me tell you, it’s big and heavy and takes me fifteen minutes to find my keys. It would weigh me down and hinder my saving abilities. Although, maybe I could use it as a weapon. And it could be magical! Purse Girl, the ultimate superhero….

4. I do not look good in head-to-toe spandex

I also do not look good in long capes, underwear on the outside of my clothes or a mask that only covers your eyes.

3. I’m not into trauma, drama or alienation

You ever notice how to be a superhero you have to have a bad childhood, some kind of tragic loss or emotional drama wherein you have to push away the person or persons you love? Yeah, no thanks. I’m trying to run drama-free and my childhood was way too normal.

2. Secret desire to be the damsel in distress

This goes against some of the dormant feminist feelings that live deep in my person but it’s true. Why be the superhero when I could be saved by a really hot vampire/spider/bat or other mutated animal/mythical figure. Plus, the damsel always gets to have a fun 50s-inspired hairdo. I’m all about that. Although, once I’m saved, the superhero will have to give me up due to above-stated #3 issue so I guess in the end I will have to walk away from him. And in essence, save myself….

And the number 1 reason why I could never be a superhero is...

1. I’m kind of lazy

No explanation needed.

Could you see yourself as a superhero???

My Top 5 Favorite Movies of 2008

Kerri — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:03:53 GMT

It’s not quite the end of the year yet, and we still have that mass release of movies that always comes out during Christmas, but I thought I would let you know what my top five favorite movies of 2008 were – so far….

In compiling this list I noticed that not only was it a fairly crappy year for movies but I also have a fairly eclectic taste in films. And of course, I feel like I’m forgetting something. But, here goes anyway – enjoy!

5. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

This is a charming, light, fun movie staring Frances McDormand and Amy Adams. Set in 1939 London, the clothes are fantastic, the plot is sweet and fast-moving and you leave happy. That’s really all it takes for me.

4. James Bond: Quantum of Solace

Daniel Craig is so hot that I really could care less what the plot of that movie was, what the title meant, or if it was too dark and too serious. Any of the less-than-nice reviews be damned! Take your shirt off, Daniel Craig!

3. Mamma Mia!

Sure, Pierce Brosnan can not sing. But who cares! Mamma Mia the movie is just as much fun as the musical. Beautiful scenery, fun songs and a somewhat slutty mom character. Who could ask for more!

2. Batman: The Dark Knight

Look, I am not a fan of clowns. In fact, I will go so far as to say I hate hate hate them! But there is no denying Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker is insanely amazing! In fact, he got nominated for a Golden Globe today. Well deserved.

With an amazing cast (even when hottie-Christian Bale does that weird Batman scratchy voice), action, dark humor, this new Batman series is quite reenergized.

1. Son of Rambow

You probably haven’t heard of this movie but I’m here to tell you that it’s AWESOME! It’s sort of like a British Little Miss Sunshine; an indy movie that makes you feel good when you’re done watching it. The story is about two British children (nothing is cuter than a kid with a British accent) who watch the movie Rambo: First Blood and then decide to make their own home movie about Rambo’s son trying to save his kidnapped father. It’s very well done, funny, sweet and an interesting concept. Well done!

What was your favorite movie of 2008? (And what movies did I forget – because it’s really bugging me!)

This is a Gym, Not a Brothel!

Kerri — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 00:15:12 GMT

I am a fairly devoted gym-going girl. As such, I have made many observations over the years while staying in shape at the gym. Here are some of those observations and thoughts, compiled neatly for your reading pleasure. And please feel free to add your own gym thoughts.

I have this deep-rooted hatred for people who talk on their cell phones while on any cardio machine. First of all, they annoy me because inevitably they are shouting over the noises of the rest of the gym. But also, if you are doing cardio and still have the energy to talk on a phone, you are not working very hard at all. (This goes for you too, Mr. Blackberry user!)
Some people do not wipe their sweat off the machine when they are done. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe they think they didn’t sweat? Maybe they are just rude? Maybe they think other people will enjoy their sweat?
Dear heavy perfume wearer: Your designer impostors perfume is making me vomit while I’m trying to get through my cardio. You are at the gym, not a cheap 80s-themed party.
I like when people recognize someone they know at the gym and go over to chat while that person is on the treadmill. They stand behind them so the person running has to twist around to talk. Um, why don’t you just go in front of the treadmill so that person can continue their workout instead of listening to you talk about your smelly perfume. (Or, maybe you should call them from your annoying cell phone.)
My favorite thing at the gym is watching the men “inconspicuously” check themselves out in the mirrors. And by “inconspicuously” I actually mean “overtly obvious.” I don’t know if these guys think they are invisible or if they think the mirrors at the gym offer some kind of special shield that other people can’t see. But, oh yes, I’m watching you flex your muscles and make a kissy face at yourself. (P.S. I can also see you when you pick your nose and adjust your, um, you know….)
I am afraid of the weight room in my gym. I’m not going to deny it. I mean, maybe it’s because I feel like everyone stares at me as I lift weights. Hmmm, I guess it’s not really true since all guys are staring at themselves in the magic mirrors. (See #5 above.)
Sometimes I get really nervous when I walk into the gym and a bunch of trainers are standing around. I feel like they are going to jump on me and make me give them ten. Which I can’t do.
Ever notice those clowns who can’t just go forward on the treadmill. Instead, they switch it up by running sideways and backwards. When they run sideways they do this weird hopping thing. I hate these people. Mostly because if I tried to run sideways I would totally wipe out.
Going along with #8, I get this sick pleasure when people’s stuff falls off the treadmill. They can never just drop one thing – it’s always all or nothing. First, their Ipod falls, then their towel, then their shoe is untied. It’s a mess!
Look, I’m not a modest person. But I have a real problem with people being completely naked in the locker room. Of course you need to change. But you do not need to take all of your clothes off and walk around, chat with people, sit on the benches, eat a pre-workout snack, etc. This is a gym, not a brothel!

Thoughts on October

Kerri — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:29:21 GMT

Five Things I Love About October:

1. Candy Corn (not the brown candy corn!)

2. Candy Corn Pumpkins - which are even more tempting than regular candy corn.

3. Leaves starting to change colors.

4. Football - the early season kinks are worked out and we're into the nitty-gritty.

5. Fall Decorations

Five Things I Do Not Love About October:

1. Weight gain from massive consumption of candy corn and candy corn pumpkins.

2. Pressure of finding a good Halloween costume.

3. Fight at office over temperature. (I'm sorry but 65 degrees outside does not warrant 90 degrees inside.)

4. Christmas Decorations in stores - reminds me that Christmas is coming up and I get all anxious.

5. Weather getting colder - I actually like the weather getting colder but what I don't like is that it brings more people into the gym. Boo!